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I’m now wise to the fact that the actual spelling of Halloween, is with an “a”, not with an “o” -as in Holloween, which was the way I’ve been spelling it. I can blame this miss-spell on being a mom late in life. Realizing that for 32 years of spelling Holloween wrong was a faux paw! Noticing this grave mistake last Halloween, I wonder what else I was missing out on when it came to celebrating with kids?
I use to tell people rather astutely that Thanksgiving was my absolute favourite celebration. Favourite most likely because it wasn’t directly linked to kids. While Easter was meant for kids painting eggs in pastel. Sitting back to give an awkward cheer when my favourite niece collected the most chocolate eggs. Deep down longing to watch my own kid dash around to collect them. I always felt like I was missing out. Deciding to choose Thanksgiving as my favourite holiday was my secret weapon in celebrating this holiday with good cheer. I would pass that Thanksgiving gravy and stuffing with such vigorous thanks. Having Logan a month before turning 39, I’m able to spend time enjoying Easter, Halloween, Christmas & birthdays again without feeling like I am a third wheel. Not only do I know how to spell Halloween without a double-take, wondering if it’s with an “o” or an “a”. Thanksgiving has become #5 on my top #10 in celebrations, beating out Victoria Day and Canada Day, though both are wonderful celebrations.
When I met Jason, my partner and Logan’s father, he too did not have kids, nor did he see any in his forthcoming future. He was sincere that he was fine if we never had kids. So together we went merrily along not celebrating special kid infused holidays together. A match made in heaven, as we opted out of Easter with our families, rebelling against it. Our Easter tradition became hitting the grocery aisles, picking out the biggest and juiciest looking steak meant for two! Preparing our Easter steaks and baked potatoes, with all the fixins’, pardoning ourselves out of Easter egg hunts till the end of time. While there was never any easter egg chocolates left over to discover anyway, the kids always got “first dibs” on the Cadbury Easter egg chocolates, we were not amused! A candlelit dinner for two, as we gave thanks for our blessed lives given to us.
I met Jay when he had just turned 39, me a 34 year old, newly separated about to sign divorce papers. It was our first Halloween together, (notice the proper spelling). He celebrated by binge watching all of his favourite horror classics throughout the month. Waking up to “Michael Myers” walking at a steady pace, inching slowly towards his next victim became the norm. Me though, I wanted a Kit Kat bar!
Jason, (my Jason, not the popular horror movie character Jason), was a good sport. It was Halloween night, the kiddies were out gathering pillow cases full of chocolate candy. Jay heard my plea for wanting a big hunk of chocolate! He turned to me, most likely out of his feelings towards me and said; “Hey, lets dress up and go out trick or treating!” My mind scanned for any reason why this may not be a good idea? I couldn’t think of anything! Our conversation went something like this (remember chocolate was my driving motivational force)! ME; “It really is an unwritten rule now isn’t?” “Nowhere does it say that we’re too old to go Trick or Treating?” HIM; “Who made this rule anyway?” ME: “It’s not a religious holiday, I don’t think anyone would be offended?’ Contemplating this grand scheme of ours, deciding that the worse case scenario was that we could have a lot of people turning there noses down at us, slamming doors in our faces. ME: “I can handle it, we may get a few candies out of it!” HIM: “Should we? I’m 5’2 your shorter then me!” With his heavy grey beard he contended “We could almost pass for 18”. We discussed costumes!
I wasn’t sure if it was the chocolate treats that I was craving, or the fact that I had missed Halloween for 18 years or more, not having kids to steal treats from. I whipped into the bathroom, it took me only an hour. Coming out of the bathroom ready to go trick or treating as a “zombie bride”. I still had my wedding gown from my former failed marriage. It was perfect, I thought people may even feel sorry for me. Thrilled to be dressed in full costume, the drought of missing out on celebrating Halloween was just about to be over. Thinking that we may just be able to pull this off. This was the night we fell in love. For me, it was because he went along with my chocolate pirating scheme. For him, I think it was because I dressed as a “rockin’ zombie bride” and I think it kind of scared him!
We snapped a few pics, both starting to have second thoughts, our guilt was getting the better of us, HIM; “We’re not going to do this are we?” My heart sank as I realized we were about to abort our mission, we chickened out. Although we didn’t find chocolate that Halloween night, with a twist of faith we found true love! Jason explained to me that we lived in a small town and may not be able to live this one down. Thoughts of raiding the streets were dismissed, turning the slow to kill, Michael Myers back on TV. We flopped on the couch, me still in full zombie bride costume, I fell asleep. That was how we spent our first Halloween together. When Easter came, grilling a steak for two seemed to take away any pain that came from us being neglected from chocolate. The next Halloween making a trip to his brothers house, where Kit Kat bars were plenty then hoarding a few was our best bet.
Since giving birth to Logan almost five years later, I can finally say that Thanksgiving is not my favourite celebration. Christmas is met with giggles and wonder, Easter with a race for the most Easter eggs. Halloween means that we won’t be needing pillow cases on our pillows for at least a week, not until all of Logan’s (and by Logan’s I mean our) chocolate candy is gone. Not only can I proudly say that I can spell Halloween, remembering how much fun it is to make Jack-O-Lanterns with so many choices in emotions. I look at my son and I look at my family. I realize that time is what is matters most. Spending time together enjoying family celebrations, concluding that I’m not missing out on anything while Logan’s off with his friends at school. Time wrapping and unwrapping presents, time watching Christmas specials, explaining to Logan where exactly the North Pole is? (The answer is North btw). Even though my son is starting to make his own life where one day it will be without me. Us Mom’s get to have the most fun, celebrating precious time together with family, with traditions, spending time together on weekends and birthdays, where the meaning of time is just that; precious.
Time is the most precious gift that we are given in life. I am over “feeling like I am missing out on my sons life, since he started JK”. Celebrating precious time together, valuing that time is what Juniour Kindergarten now means to me. Where sure Mommy misses my little boy so much, nothing will ever be like the first 4 years together. Now, Mommy gets to make the most of our time together, where we will always hold precious memories. When time is not spent away at Juniour Kindergarten, this family will be celebrating -spending time.
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